When Quitting is Not an Option

by Alan Goldberg

First off, let's get one thing straight: Quitting is not always quitting. What do i mean by this confusing double talk? Simply, there is a big difference between leaving your sport at the right time for the right reasons and prematurely giving up for any number of wrong reasons.

When you do the former you're being smart, clear thinking, possibly courageous or all of the above. This is not quitting in the true sense of the word. This is not being a loser regardless of what a coach or parent might say to you about it. However, when you do the latter and leave too early, you may be acting stupidly self-destructive, taking the easy way out, and allowing your frustrations to run the show, robbing yourself of an opportunity to be successful later on down the road or all of the above.

Let's face it; training seriously in your sport is a very difficult task. If you do it the right way and are committed to hard work and the pursuit of excellence, then one thing you can count on occasionally running into along the way is the urge to bag it, to give it all up, to pack it all in, to just flat out give up and quit.

Why? There are obvious reasons: First off, getting good in any sport is like traveling a road with tons of potholes and obstacles on it. Sooner or later you're going to stumble into one of those potholes or obstacles and go down hard. Sooner or later you're going to get tripped up and bruise yourself or swerve to avoid a big one and accidentally drive yourself off the road into a tree. There is no smooth sailing in sports. If you think that your career should go as planned, then you're living large with Mickey Mouse in that fantasy world down in central Florida. Understand that to be successful you must and will crash, sometimes once, most likely a whole lot more.

When you do crash, you'll end up losing. You will get injured. Coaches will probably under appreciate or ignore your talents and efforts and plant your butt on the bench. Frustration will at times become your closest friend. In short, you will end up suffering.

Important note to all athletes: Nothing worthwhile that you will ever do in your life can come without one form of suffering or another. Victory without suffering is hollow and personally meaningless. Glory without hardship and adversity is truly empty. It's the suffering along the road that makes the journey so rewarding in the end.

As an athlete, expect that this suffering will sometimes show up as a crisis in confidence, as a time when you're plagued with massive self-doubts or a fear that maybe you're just not up to it. This crisis may be coach generated. You may have a coach who you can't get along with or whom you think is incompetent, mean or just plain unfair. The crisis may be caused by a slump or string of disappointing or frustrating performances. The end result is that suddenly you've lost that fire, your determination to stay the course and now you're thinking the unthinkable: Maybe I should quit! Perhaps I don't have what it takes. Maybe I've had enough!

When you get to the place of wanting to quit just because things aren't going your way, take a moment to step back and catch your breath. Quitting out of frustration because suddenly the road has gotten rocky is not the right reason or the right time to pack your bags and head home. Quitting because of repeated failures is not a good enough reason either. Repeated performance problems, slumps or fears, in general should never fuel your departure from the sport. Yes, they are frustrating. Sure, they're driving you to distraction. However, bailing out just because you're not doing well or struggling is flat out wrong.

Similarly, leaving because of a lack of playing time or problems with your coach is not usually a good reason. (This is not to say that sometimes playing for a particular coach can be unbelievably destructive. At times, coaches are directly at the root of an athlete's unhappiness and poor performances. These coaches are demeaning and demoralizing. They kill an athlete's love for the sport and undermine his/her self-esteem. They refuse to take responsibility for their destructive behavior and instead, blame the athlete. They aren't open to constructive feedback and play head relationship between the coach and athlete is clearly unhealthy and destructive to the athlete, then it is almost always in his/her best interest to remove him/herself from the situation.) Understand that your coaches will frequently do things that you disagree or have problems with. You will always be able to find fault with the coach's behaviors and decisions. What you have to learn to do in these situations is to play the role that's been assigned to you by the coach to the very best of your ability. You may not like the role but that's your job on the team. Your job isn't to evaluate or criticize the coach and his/her decisions.

The decision to leave your sport is best made when you can think clearly without discouragement and emotions being your closest advisors. Quitting should be a well thought out decision that comes from having spent ample enough time taking a close, hard look at where you are and where you really want to go, from examining the issue from every possible angle. A hasty, emotional decision to quit is usually a wrong one. Why? Because when we make decisions based on emotions we can always count on those decisions not being weighed down by intelligent thought. An example:

Sheila Taormina, an internationally ranked triathlete once told me that she quit her quest for a spot on the US national swim team and the 1996 Atlanta Olympics at least 8 times! At the end of a long, particularly discouraging and frustrating workout she realized she was simply kidding herself and should grow up and stop wasting her time chasing unrealistic childhood dreams. You see, Sheila had never even made the finals at an Olympic Trials before, having failed in her two previous attempts. Here she was, a good 27 years old when she started this, her last quest (a dinosaur in the eyes of all the experts) and had only 12 year olds and her old age-group coach to train with! Her doubts and frustrations would come in waves and were, at times overwhelming. So were the odds. Most people in the sport thought she was absolutely crazy to be pursuing such a foolish dream. So when the going got rough, she'd keep quitting.

Every one of those eight times that she quit in tears, left the pool and vowed to never return, she'd somehow find herself back in the water or gym the very next day after having sat with her decision overnight. At the 1996 Olympic Trials she edged out Janet Evans to improbably make the last available position on the Olympic Team. In Atlanta, her relay team won a gold medal and Sheila was suddenly an Olympic Gold medallist. It's a good thing Sheila kept quitting on quitting.

There are times that leaving your sport is probably the best and healthiest option available to you. If you're no longer having fun, have lost your passion and no longer get any pleasure from playing and competing, then perhaps it's time to pack your bags and try something else. Or maybe you're in a situation where your primary role on the team is a non- participatory one. You are a permanent fixture on the bench and it doesn't look like your role will ever change in the near or even distant future. If you participate to play and are not, I see no problem with you changing programs so that you will get to play. This is a dilemma that many top high school athletes face after they sign with a good, Division I program. Not only will they see limited to no playing time as a freshman, but also, because this program recruits only the very best athletes in the country, chances are good that they will rarely get to play over their entire four years. In this kind of a situation the athlete has to seriously weigh whether they want to not play during their college career.

I am all for athletes accepting and playing their role to the very best of their abilities for the good of the team. However, having said that I am also quite realistic. I find nothing wrong with that same athlete finding another program where they will be happier and have more of an opportunity to participate and compete. Your sports career does not last forever. Very few athletes will ever make a successful professional career out of their sport. Add to this fact, the concept that sports are supposed to be fun for you, and I see no problem with making a decision to switch teams so that you can continue to have fun by participating and not sitting on the bench.

Keep in mind, however, that I am not advocating that you pack up and leave just because the going gets rough. This I view as copping out. Dealing with hardship, adversity and challenge in your sport and life is what will ultimately make you a better, stronger person. Get in the habit of moving towards, not away from these unpleasant experiences. And above all, think long and hard before you decide to leave.

And if you do quit, hold your head up high. Quitting for the right reasons is no cause for shame or embarrassment. Trust yourself and your instincts here. If you've thought about it and leaving makes the most sense, then leave feeling good about yourself, regardless of what anyone else may say.